you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
