I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
