I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
