Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
