after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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