How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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