I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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