So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
