If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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