I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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