and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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