5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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