So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
