it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are the jesus of drinking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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