I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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