Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Operation Purity has been aborted
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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