is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
