Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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