My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
