i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
