I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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