Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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