There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
