i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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