high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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