So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
