Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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