I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
