Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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