Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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