Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
