sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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