At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
