whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
