my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
