Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
