The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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