i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
