i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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