All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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