Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
