Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
