Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
