we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
