then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
