Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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