And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a search helicopter?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
