i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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