once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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