Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
