my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
